Howard Boward’s MONSTERRIFIC Blog & Bully Report

Hi, I’m Howard Boward. Welcome to my blog. I’ve never done this before so I guess I should start by telling you a little about myself.

howunitard.jpgYou know that kid who everybody wants to be like? The kid who’s strong and funny and can make a spit-wad land in the teacher’s hair?  And he always gets picked first for kickball? And rides wheelies? And will probably grow up to be a president or a superhero?

I’m the kid that kid beats up.

It’s not personal, it’s just middle school–a terrifying land of fear of wedgies. See, I’m what they call “bully candy.” Here are a few of the reasons why:

  • My name is Howard. This comes in handy if you’re looking for something to rhyme with “coward”, “soured” and “has never showered.”
  • I wear thick glasses and shiny, metal braces and, occasionally, a unitard. If there was a store called “Nerds R Us” I’m guessing I would be their best customer. 
  • My permanent muscles haven’t come in yet.
  • I have cotton-white hair that stands straight up on top of my head, which is why my school picture looks like I was just frightened by a ghost on Scooby Doo.
  • I am smart. (Brains, as you know, are a bully’s natural enemy.)

Well, you put all those together, you’re just asking for trouble! Still, I don’t see why I deserve to get pounded. So I’m a science geek–big deal! It’s not like science ever hurt anybody…. I mean, if you don’t count that time I invented a monster.

Did you hear about that? It was all over the school. I don’t know if you’ve ever been responsible for a monster invasion but they’re pretty hard to keep secret. Still, if I hadn’t done what I did, I never would have met Franklin–the best friend I ever made. You can read my whole story in a book called How to Make Friends & Monsters. I hope you like it. Because when the bullies find out I wrote about them, I’m going to be dangling from the flagpole by my underwear until graduation.

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